01-26-07

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Every day, everything we do has an impact on our lives. Last year my children and I were in FL and our favorite thing to do was hang out at the pool. We were camping at basically a senior's campground. Some of the seniors did'nt like us too much.... four rowdy children to ruin their quiet swim... but a few couples just loved us!! One couple right next to us loved us so much they took over grandparent responsibilities for the time we were there. Another couple, a mild woman named Dellie, and her outgoing husband Eldon struck up a friendship with us. We were always in the pool, and so was Eldon. Dellie did'nt like the water so she sat pool side while Eldon swam everyday.
Now... you ask why in the world an older retired couple and a young single mom want to become friends? What do they have in common?

Today I got my mail.... carried in by a snow covered son... half of it was soaking wet... but there was a card in that stack of mail. See, Eldon and I have kept in touch through IM. We like to play pool together @ yahoo games. He did a really cool thing, he took the Christmas picture of my children and I and blew it up, and put it up on the bullitan board at his church. See.... it does not matter what denominaion you are.... what kind of church you attend.. Baptist, Catholic, Pentacostal...What matters is who is in charge of the believers at those churches across America. What matters is all those prayers and the faith of God's body.

I opened a beautiful card with butterflies on it (I love butterflies). In it were signatures.... signatures of people I have never met... signatures of people I won't meet until we reach heaven. Signatures of people who are praying for me. I sat in total awww. The tears just flooded my eyes. I touched every name in that card and just prayed.... a prayer of thanks, a prayer of rejoicing because these strangers care about me, and my beautiful children!

The Day I met Eldon and Dellie we had one thing in common, Jesus Christ. We are friends through the generations and distance, but our God, our common bond has given them long lives to live, and our joint prayer is that he blesses me with a long healthy life also.

So, the next time you cross paths with someone, maybe dig a little deeper, and know that there is a reason that you are meeting :) :)



MOUNTAIN OF GOD by Third Day:

Thought that I was all alone broken and afraid
but you were there with me you were there with me and I didin't even know that I had lost my way
but you were there with me yes, you were there with me until you opened up my eyes I never knew that I couldn't ever make it without you

CHORUS
Even though the journey's long and I know the road is hard you're the one who's gone before me you will help me carry on
and after all that I've been through now I realize the truth that I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God

VERSE II
As I travel on the road did you ever let me down?
you are here with me yes, you are here with me and I have need for nothing more oh now that I have found that you are here with me yes, you are here with me I confess from time to time I lose my way
but you are always there to bring me back again

CHORUS BRIDGE
Well sometimes I think of where ever it is I've come from and things I've left behind well of all I've had what I posessed oh they can't quite compare to what's in front of me yeah to what's in front of me

01-24-07

O.K.. I cant' do it!!! I cannot put a picture on here of me bald.. I just can't.. ha ha ha.. so here is me in my pretty new wig :). It's close to my natural color and it looks pretty cute huh :). If you want to see what I look like bald just pretend in your head that I have no hair.. I don't look so good bald. I look like and alien. My sister says to me the other day "at least you have a cute head" LOL... hee hee. I don't agree, I think it's pretty scarey looking.. but that's just me.

As you can tell when I don't write here I am either very busy, or very busy not feeling well. I have been very much tired the last week and actually feeling a little on the pukish side. I am doing much better today!

Well, I better go take advantage of feeling well while it lasts :). I meet with my surgeon next week regaring having surgery earilier that we expected. I am aiming for March. Still not sure exactly what I am going to have. I'm still on the fence about that. I contiune to research and learn.. reasearch and learn.. it will never end :)

01-23-07

Raising children.... a tough job. It never ends. There is no break from the questions, the tasks, meals, cleaning, laundry.. WHEW! I need a break! lol :). Look at my four little babies. Getting bigger every day. I have to admit that having cancer has changed my views, my goals in life. All I want to do anymore is to grow old and see my children grow into the amazing men and women that God allows them to become. I love my children with all of my heart, and I could never imagine leaving them alone in this world. I pray every day that God cures me from this cancer and blesses me with years and years of amazing times with my children, and with my children's children. I have never had such a strong desire to live and to survive. When I wake up every day I wake up to a picture of all four of my children sitting on my dresser. I live first for God, and he has allowed me the privledge to raise these four amazing little ones! What a responsibility! Thank you Lord, for the goodness of life, for the blessing of children :)

01-21-07

Winter makes summer so much more sweeter, and being sick makes being healthy so much richer! I admit it, I am tired. All I want to do is sleep. I got a little sick last night, then went to bed @ 7pm. I am still doing great... just doing great a little bit more slower. I have officially 13 more treatments to go, but if the tumor stops shrinking, they might cut it short to do surgery earlier (which would be great!). I LOVE summer with a passion! Spring is my favorite, becuase I know what's coming around the corner. I love summer, the sun, the heat, the air, everything! Michigan is not the best place to live because we have such a long winter.. really it's about 5/6 months. But the summers are great! God is smart. He brought my children and I back to our hometown so we could be near our church, church family and my sisters, and friends. He knew 2 years ago that I would need lots of extra hands. For once in my life, I can't do everything by myself. I need help, and I am getting lots of it! And I am thankful for every hand, every card, every phone call, every gift, every thought, word, deed, prayers, all of it!!! I am so grateful and thankful for the life that God has given me. I am one blessed person! I am off to go rest. :). God is just like the summertime sun shining down on us! His love has a warmpth that is so wonderful, I am happy to be able to bask in his sonlight! Blessings to you today :) Shanda :)

01-19-07

My little girl is getting so big!! She turned 9 last Sunday. Children get so big so fast. The last 7 years have flown by!!!! Hopefully the Lord will bless me with many many more birthday's to celebrate in the future. Tristan will be 6 next month. I can't belive it!! I have been so busy I have not had time to update my blog. Having a teen ager in the house again that needs transportation everywhere is time consuming, and I have had a babysitter so I have taken advantage of that! There is nothing better than going to a grocery store without my 4 children :). It's so nice! So.. my tumor has shrunk down to it's orginal size (well, almost) when I found it, it was 2.5 cm, now it's 2.6 cm.. 6 weeks ago it was 5.5cm, so hopefully in 4-6 more weeks it will have shurnk even more. I am still doing fine on the chemo. I am officially bald. I don't actually look that bad. I'll have to put some pictures of me being bald :). Well, I am off to bed! My major issue now is tiredness... off to sleep :) Blessings! :) Shanda :)

01-13-07

Saturday night, getting ready to go to sleep! Life is good.. but God is better :) I went to the Dr's today for my sore throat and he gave me something to gargle with and I think it's helping me. Hopefully it will help me because last night I was having problems breathing because it hurt so bad. It's so weird being on watch for my body getting sick because I am on chemo I have to run to the doctors over everything I would just ignore in the past. I worked out today and I got very tired about an hour later. I think my body was happy to get the work out but that hour later punished me for taking away so much energy! I want to get a lot of cleaning and organizing done in the next few days before my chemo on Wed. so I probally won't post anything for a few days because I will be so busy cleaning! Happy M.L.K day to you in two days! Blessings :)

I went to the health food store today to get something for a oh so sore throat (the stuff she gave me is not working, so I am open to suggestions). And I learned something... she noticed me chomping on my gum and she asked me to see the wrapper... and lo and behold, my gum contained the ingredient aspartame... which she told me has been linked to cancer. Now, I was not chewing "diet gum" or something that I would even imagine would have an artificial sweetner... so my quest goes to find out as much info on the possible evil aspartame... I am a pure gum a-hol-ic... I LOVE me some gum.. so gee.. after 25 years of chewing gum like a cow.. I wonder if that has anything to do with getting cancer @ 33.. I mean, I have to wonder.. WHY?? No family history, I want to CHANGE whatever I did in the past to open the door to stupid cancer in the first place so I can live a looooooooooong healthy God Blessed Life!!

My daughter Katie and I went to Beaumont's "Sharing and Caring" group last night. It was really nice. They had the director of surgery come in to talk about breast conservation surgery, and I learned that I could be eligable for another type of less invasive surgery. I'd have to go to Beaumont for a "second opinion" so I am going to check out the insurance for that and check into it. I met a lot of more wonderful people living life on the other side of cancer and also some newcomers to "the club where the price of admission is high, but you'll never meet better people to help you through".

On the homefront... my 17 year old newly pregnant sister moved in with me this week, so it's going to be nice having her help and a little freedom to go out and enjoy life a little without my children :). And she is getting a job nearby and I get to be a taxi service :). I am happy that we are close and I am able to be here for her. She needs lots of loving support at this time in her life. She has decided to keep her baby and seems like she really wants to become a great mom! She is excited that we both get to help each other out, me during my months of treatment and after surgery this spring, and I during her pregnancy and after the birth of her baby in August :).

Lots going on, I am taking advantage of another "cleaning" mood so I better get going!

Blessings to you today :) in CHRIST, :) Shanda :)

01-10-07

My port is infected!!! OUCH!!!! I am off resting.. and building my white blood cell counts!!!!

Peace be with you today :) Blessings :), Shanda

01-09-07

Short post today.. I felt like I got hit by a ton of bricks today.. spent most of the day in bed resting. I was able to get up and go to my bible study tonight, so that was great!! I think maybe because I am "coming down" from the steroids?? Not sure. Also my port site is bothering me, I need to go in and get that looked at. I am off to bed now. Thanks for your prayers!

01-08-07

A new day, a new year :). Today just flew by me. A little bit of cleaning, organizing and did I mention I homeschool 4 active children? Yep.. fun stuff! I did not really give them much of a break over Christmas because I want them to get as much as possible done while I am feeling good and strong. I have to correct all of their work, and give them test's often. It takes a lot of work from the parent :). Home schooling is all about life though, and my children are getting a front seat to the sometimes not so great moments in life. They are doing very well, I have always been and always will be 100% honest with them about everything that is going on. Hopefully they see God's amazing hand in all of this, his provisions, his grace, goodness and mercy. Allowing us to have salvation and a life in heaven if we choose to accept Jesus. I'm tired! Going to go to sleep now :) Shanda :)

Prayer...

Prayer.. a simple yet powerful tool we have in this walk with God. I have never had more people in my life praying for me on such a consistent basis. I know that tons of people are praying for me each and every day! And I truly believe that it works. I have been doing very well through my second chemo, and I really believe a lot of it has to do with prayers.

Having so many people praying for me makes me realize how much more I can be praying for others, since I have seen and felt the prayers of others. I realized today how many amazing people I have in my life and how I could spend hours in prayer for people that I know, everyone needs prayer. The hurting and pain never seems to stop in our world, the needs are amazing! To know that God is hearing me when I lift others up in prayer is so amazing! The God that created this world hears me each time I bow my head and lift my voice to him. He hears my thoughts also. I don't even need to speak to have him hear me. He hears my thoughts in my head. Prayer is a very powerful and wonderful tool! I am grateful and thankful for all those praying for my children and I, and I hope to spend more time praying for others. God's goodness and grace is surley upon me, for that I am eternally grateful!

Blessings to you today :) Shanda :)

01-06-07

Doing great today! For all of you who would like a new prayer request.... my 17 (just turned in December) year old sister annonunced yesterday that she is pregnant. Her boyfriend is 16 and neither one of them is working, or prepared for this. Her name is Alicia and I know prayers for her, and this new life would be very wonderful :). She has tons of support in all 5 of her older sisters, I am thankful that she shared the news with me. So for once in the last few weeks, I feel like the focus of me dealing with cancer is on the back burner, now we have a 17 year old dealing with a pregnancy. I have been feeling good, eating good and enjoying the weekend with my sisters :). I joined a woman's small group bible study this past tuesday and I have really enjoyed the study sessions that we are to do for homework. They are very in depth, and I am learning a lot. God is good! Blessings to you today, Shanda.

01-05-07

Two days post 2nd chemo and I am doing great! Much more energy than last time, my sister Shawn is spending the weekend with me, helping with the kids. We have about 6 movies rented and lots of junk food :). I can eat pretty much whatever I want, and I feel really great compared to last time. God grace is wrapping around my life and allowing me to do well! My hair is starting to come out, but the nurses said because it's so thick it might take up to a week to all come out. I don't have any bald spots yet, it's just kind of falling out when I comb it, or run my fingers through it. It's not falling out on my pillow or anything like that.

Blessings to you today :) Shanda :)

GREAT NEWS!!! 01-04-07

Just a quick update....I had my second chemo yesterday, and I met with the oncologist. Just after one chemotherapy treatment, my tumor has shrunk 1/3 of it's size!!! YEAH!!! I was so excited to hear this news! So everything went well with yesterday's chemo and I am feeling good today. I just crock-potted a huge batch of chicken noodle soup and I am having my friend come over to give me the $4000. white blood cell boaster shot tonight, and her daughter might come over and give me an ultra short hair cut, because my hair began falling out yesterday before I went in for my treatment. I am so thankful for the great news!! And so excited that I am meeting new people through this most interesting turn of events in my life.

Above is a picture off the Montery Bay Coast in California. I was blessed to travel out there over the summer for my business and we had a few days open to sight seeing. It was a cold windy day that day, but I just love this picture!

I hope you are having a great day today, and remember, God cares for you, each day, and nothing is too big for him to forgive, to work in, he is alive and well and I am so thankful I have him in my life!

Blessings!

01-03-07

Getting ready to live life bald!! A few things I never thought I would be doing in my life.. pushing #2, after the voice promt of "if you are currently undergoing chemotherapy and you would like to talk to one of the nurses please press #2"...trying to figure out wig vs. scarves and trying to think of a way to de-stress before going to a hospital and have poison poured directly into my veins.. hmmmm.. if you have any good idea's e mail me @ kkstt77@yahoo.com . I think I'll do what I did last time, reach for the xanax :). It worked well last time.

On a happier note, I joined a small group bible study last night, a group of wonderful women from my church. We are doing a 10 week study on David from Beth Moore.

Well, I have lots of cleaning and other stuff to do before I go to the hospital today.

Thank you for your continued prayers!!!

1-1-07

Happy New Year Everyone!! I got a call from my little sister a little while ago, she was in Atlanta last night and she watched "the peach drop". The college group from my church is down there at some festival music thing. She was calling to check up on me. She's spending the weekend with us, watching the kids for my second chemo. This chemo is going to stink, because my hair is going to start falling out. I am not sure what avenue I am going to take with my newfound baldness. I know around the house, I will just wear do-rags, knit hats etc... There are these really cute turbins I saw at the wig store, but they were all out. I can't imaine how cold it will be with no hair! I have such thick hair, and I have normally had long hair. It will be interesting. Of course I will share photo's of my short haircut that I am getting this week, and then whenever I decide what looks best on my head. I have been motivated to start making jewelry for this summer. I pretty much have accepted the fact that I won't do my normal summer with my business but I hope to do at least one or two shows. Maybe one in June and one in July, that would be nice. I will have to see how things go the next few months. One thing is for sure, I can't WAIT to get back on the road and travel!! Being forced to stay home for a year is driving me nuts. We'll see what God has in store. The kids have been doing lots of school work, I am doing as much as possible with them while I am feeling good so they won't be behind at all. They are all pretty much on target right now, and we usually finish up our year in May so we might have to go into June but I think everything will go fine. 2007, a year of treatment, surgery, healing and learning more about cancer and it's affects on our lives. God, we pray a cure is in sight! Blessings to you today!