12-28-06

I read a really neat quote yesterday online, it said "Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms his child." It was a story out of a "Chiken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor Soul". I want to see if my library has this book. I love that quote, because it is so true. I was chatting with someone the other day and they said something I totally did not agree with, they said something like this "Jesus died on the cross so we would not have to suffer, he suffered for us". I just don't believe this. I see suffering in many people who love Jesus with everything that they have, suffering has it's place in our lives, just like Joy and happy things. Suffering has to happen, or we would never be able to enjoy the Joy. Jesus suffered for our sins, so we could have eternal life in heaven.

My five year old is a mini comic, he just says the funniest things. Yesterday he looked at me with his big brown eyes, as I took a pill and he says to me "MaMa, why do you always have to take a pill" then tonight I was laughing really hard and I said "owe, my port hurts" and he looks at me and says "Why don't you just squeeze it out" like it is a zit or something! He said something else that I wanted to share, but I forgot what it was..it will come back to me in the next year.

I have been running errands etc.. and doing this and that all over the place, I am taking advantage of feeling good, before my next chemo (the 2nd of 15 I figured out today). Anyway, when I am out running errands I just want to keep going, even though I don't have any more errands to run, I just don't want to come home. It's like if I stay outside of my house, out in "the world" then everything is o.k. I feel "normal". It's weird, I have never not wanted to come home. I guess this is the part that helps when people have full time jobs when they are dealing with cancer, they get so busy working that they can forget that they have this nasty disease. I also feel this weird need to DO something to fight it, I keep wanting to call my oncologist and say "Hey, I am feeling better now, can I come in today at 2 and get another chemo please?". It's frustrating in a way, I kinda wish I had surgery before chemo because it is still technically inside my body. The reason I have to do chemo first is because the tumor is so large they are hoping to reduce it and then do surgery. I went wig shopping today. Going to call my insurance tommorow and see if they are going to cover the $60 wig purchase. Heck, if they cover a $4200. blood test and a $3425. shot, WHY NOT, hey, maybe I can get three wigs!!! ha ha!

have a GREAT day today :) Shanda :)