More Sisters

These are more of my "sisters". God gave me these two sisters 1 and 1/2 years ago. We are...Shannon, Me, and Cheryl.. aka the "Sha's" Sha 1 (Shannon), Sha 2 (Cheryl) and Sha 3 (me). Isn't that just too cute :). Cheryl is spending the first weekend with me after I start chemo, so I won't be alone, another friend from church Toni is brave enough to take all 4 of my children for the weekend! We were able to go see Shannon last night, and today we went to my friend Sharon's for dinner, and her and her husband got my children all gifts and some shopping cards! They are just cashing in this year. I am meeting new people every week from the internet, and also at support group meetings. I think it's interesting.. I have been told a few times "welcome to the club that no one wants to join" and someone also told me this "The price of admission to this club is high, but you'll never meet better people to help you through this". So I am a member now. A memeber of the world of cancer. A world that no one ever wants to be in, but one day you wake up, and find a lump and a few weeks later you realize that you have taken a crash course on cancer. You know what ER and PR markers are... you talk in a special "lingo" that only those who have had cancer (or medical professionals) understand. You get poked, prodded and touched WAY more than you ever thought imagined.

The good thing, is that I know I am not on this journey alone. I was thinking last night, as yet another person told me "I heard about what's going on, and I am so sorry". I don't want people feeling sorry for me. That is the last emotion I want from people. I want people to look at me, and somehow see Jesus in me. I want them to see that I am not afraid, I know that I am in the middle of God's will, and that is never a scary place to be. God is good, and he loves me. I may not understand, and I may not be the strongest person all the time but he has shown me in many different ways that he is right here with me. My life has changed, forever and I am excited about what God is going to teach me through all of this. The lesson I have learned so far is that he has surrounded me with a wonderful group of friends who love my children and I, and he will never leave me alone.

Cancer evokes many different emotions from different people. It's so amazing, I still don't believe it sometimes, I have to remind myself when I wake up that this is not just a bad dream, it's my reality. God has allowed this to happen to me, and I know he has a purpose for it. Hopefully this is just a bump in the road for me, hopefully I will look back on this time of my life years and years down the road and remember this time and see God so active and alive in my life, and hopefully that will never change.

I have a big day of appointments tommorow and I need to get things all prepared for the next four months of my life, chemotherapy. I better get to sleep! Blessing to you today, I will continue to write in here as much as possible throught this entire process... experience so you can be with me in thought and in prayer :). Good night :) :) Shanda :)