Merry CHRISTmas Everyone!!!

"To give meaning to Christmas, give Christ first place."

"He who is mighty has done great things for me." Luke 1:49

"Jesus came---and came for me!
Simple words, and yet expressing
Depths of holy mystery,
Depths of wondrous love and blessing." ---Havergal

Immanuel, God with us in our nature, in our sorrow, in our lifework, in our punishment, in our grave, and now with us, or rather we with Him, in resurrection, ascension, triumph, and Second Advent splendour.


Gold amidst the glitter by John Fischer

In the little town of Bethlehem, the most important birth in all of human history took place on what we now consider the first Christmas. It was sparsely attended by some bleating farm animals and a handful of shepherds who wouldn't have been there had not the sky lit up with a multitude of heavenly hosts only minutes before, praising God and inviting the shepherds to the stable. What an invitation! With the exception of that outburst, however, no one else knew. Oh yes, there were some astrologers from the East who figured out what was going on by studying the stars and some ancient manuscripts, but they didn't make it to town until at least a year or two later when the baby was a child. Why such an uneventful welcome for such an auspicious event?
It's God's way. He's always been quiet about his work on earth. "How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift was given/So God imparts to human hearts, the blessings of his heaven." He's even pretty quiet about the way he works in our lives. Silently, he came into the world; silently, he comes into our hearts. No fanfare. No welcoming committee. God has never been into self-promotion. He lets his work speak for itself.
And that would be you and me. Believers are the result of Christ's coming. It is all about good news and glad tidings for all people. A Savior has been born and he has been born for us. Or as the angel announced it: "The Savior -- yes, the Messiah, the Lord -- has been born tonight in Bethlehem, the city of David!" (Luke 2:11 NLT)

It occurs to me there are two ways to take all the fanfare and glitter of this season. We can see it as the over-commercialism of Christmas, or we can take all the lights, and gifts, and decorations, and parties, and bells, and carols, and Christmas specials on TV -- even Santa and reindeer in the front yard -- and bank them all as celebrations of the birth of Christ. We can even take the conversion of old Scrooge as the joy of new life and forgiveness of sins.

There's no law against sanctifying the secularization of Christmas in your own heart and mind. It's what we make of these things that count, anyway. Every single light can represent another soul secured in eternity as the result of what Christ has accomplished.

There was no room available for the Son of God when he came the first time. Let's make sure there's room in our hearts this Christmas, and don't let anyone take away what is good about the glad tidings of Christ's birth!

Christmas Letter

Now is the time of year I always write our families Christmas letter, and take a family picture. This year, I am seriously slacking in that department, I don't know if I am avoiding the family picture due to my oh-so-gourgeous hair (NOT), or what. I need to hurry up and get on the ball though, because I only have a few weeks until Christmas will be here!!
We are all doing fine, the children are getting bigger and smarter everyday, actually my oldest, Katie is at a Jr. High event right now, I can't believe my little girl is in Jr. High!!!!
Not much to say, nothing specifically exciting is going on in our lives right now, God is taking GREAT care of us though, and I know his blessings won't stop to keep us going :) :)>
Thanks for reading, have a blessed day!! Love, in CHRIST, Shanda

Computer Broke Down!!

My home computer decided to break down over the weekend, so you won't be seeing any new pictures or not many blog entries. I just wanted to let you know, that we are doing well, I have some test's scheduled the first 2 weeks of Jan. to make sure there is NO cancer in my body, I'll update on that, until my computer gets fixed.. blessings to you and everyone this CHRISTmas Season!!
LOVE, :) Shanda :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCdZwitrNoY

You have to listen to this, our Pastor shared it with our church this last Sunday, it's how he closed the service, it's amazing, and heartwarming!! I hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me. This past Sunday, Pastor Jim preached on Unity within the church body, and it hit me that first we must be united within our own families first, before we can unite with anyone outside in the world, so I got my 4 children together, and we talked about being united as a family together, we prayed and talked some more. The next day, the children decided that they wanted to clean the house, and my oldest daughter says to me when her brother was not listening to her "Are we united mom, because it sure does not feel like it"!! It was funny.. at least she totally understands the concept of unity is working together!!! Like so many of you who read this have been lifting me up in your prayers, we are all UNIFIED in the prayer for God's healing hand, and for him to bless me with a long, healthy life!!! I thank you today for your love, and your prayers, may God Bless YOU today!!

The picture is Thanksgiving Day, my best friend Laura and her husband Keith had us over, we have spent every single family holiday with them in the last year and a half or so!!! Our children are somewhat the same ages, and play well together, she (Laura) is going to start home schooling her oldest son, who will be in Jr. High next year, so she'll add to our home schooler ranks!! We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and finished the day off with the movie "The Incrediables" We got home late, after a great day!! I am so blessed to have friends like Laura to have as "family"!!

Love to you today :) Shanda :)

Bye-bye Sunshine, Hello S N O W!!!!

I took this picture last month at a trip to the park, one of the last 70 degree days before MI winter hit!! Now the heater is turned on, the winter clothes are in the drawers and snow has fallen, although none has stuck, we have seen snow flurries!!!

My completly LEAST favorite time of year, for years at a time we were able to go to FL in Feb. for at least 1 month to give us a break from the winter bla's. Financially, we won't be able to go this winter, hopefully next year!!!! Until then, keep warm out there

Love ya, :) Shanda :)

Running the Race

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

Have you ever stopped to think that life is a RACE?? That is what the Bible teaches us in Hebrews Ch. 12. I love the quote "LIFE IS NOT A DESTINATION, ITS A JOURNEY" I think that life is a crazy thing sometimes, I am blessed to have had a life full of 34 years of my journey, I hope to have 34 more at least!!! I cannot dream of living older to a ripe old lady in my 90's anymore, the cancer changed my focus... all I can see is today, and tommorow.

I found out that a friend of my sister's 27 year old brother died of a heart attack this past week.. 27!!! So totally young, we ask why when crazy things like this happen. Why Lord? As far as I know he was a Christian, so he will be in Heaven with Jesus!!! That is our final destination in life, is to lead a life pleasing to the Lord, and end up in eternity with him Forever!!! Forever is a pretty deep concept if you think about it!!

And what amazing promises the Lord has for those who believe in his name!! I am thankful today for eternity, hopefully I won't be seeing it for a long, long time because I want to grow old on earth, and do the things that the LORD will have me do, until my time has come. But I am thankful that Christ died so I can be FREE and live life in eternity with Jesus!!!

Praze B 2 God!! :) Shanda :)

The Joy's of Childhood

The simple joys of childhood, no house payments, no bills hovering over your head, no work to be done (maybe a few chores to help out around the house). Simple living!!! I have been given the task to raise 4 amazing, beautiful children, each with their own gifts and talents, given to them by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!! What an overwhelming task at times!!! Especially in the face of a cancer diganosis. As far as I know, I am "cancer-free", hoping and praying that the nasty little bug will never return again in my life!!! But I am aware of the risk of recourance, a fact that will follow me the rest of my life. One Dr. said to me, once you reach 5 years, your good, 10 years and your golden!!! I am hoping and praying for ten years and beyond, so I can see my children grow into the adults that I am training them up to be.

Raising children is definatley undervaulued in our society, for sure!!! Being a homeschooling, single parent, I am completley hands on every day, all day!!! I consider this a blessing, and a huge undertaking, one I hope and pray that I am succedding at each and every day!!

This picture, I simply entail "The Joy of Childhood" Simple, yet overwhelming at the same time.

I love my children with all my heart, I am blessed to have such amazing young people in my life everyday!!

Blessings to you today :) Shanda :)

Beautiful Lake Huron!!!

This was taken about 2 weeks ago, on beautiful Lake Huron, where my parents live. The children and I went up there for three nights/ four days the last day of my radiation for a little vacation. Six weeks of radiation, I was not able to go anywhere at all, so it was very nice to get away :). We had a very nice time, my parents set aside a few days from their activities and showed us some sights, and we did some special activities. One of the things we did was go hiking on their 10 acre piece of property about 5 miles from their house, and we had a bon-fire and made s'mores (yummy). We also went to a local cider mill with a petting zoo, the children loved the animals :) :) :) :).

Playing a little football :) :) :) :)

Fall is here officially, although you would not know it by the way warm weather we have been having, it's been GREAT!!! My children have all been apart of a fall flag football league that my church is doing, called "upwards". They each have a team, and they have been playing harder than ever!!! They all enjoy it, and are getting better each week. Katie's team is undefeated, and Tyler's team won for the first time last weekend (they play games on Saturday's). So that has been keeping us very busy!!! Home schooling is also keeping us very busy, with a first grader through 6th grader, I've definatly got my work cut out for me!! I get to correct every single page that they do, which is a lot every day!!!

I am glad to live in a state that support's home schooling though, that's for sure!!!

I hope you enjoy the pictures, I'll report more later. Blessings :) Shanda :)

Finally... an Update!!!

So sorry I have not updated you all... it's been one busy back-to-school month!!! From school work, to flag football, we have been keeping busy!!! Four children ages 6-11 are keeping me busier than ever!!!

I am doing well, health wise. I finished radiation a week ago, and the children and I headed up north to spend a few days with my parents, that was very nice!!

I'll be looking for employment soon, and possibly going back to school in Jan. to obtain my E.M.T Liscense, so I can go back to school next year to earn my Paramedic liscense back, and then work in an ER.

Life is good, all the time, I am thankful to be here!!!

Love everyone,

Blessings, :) Shanda :)

Camping Pictures!!!

These are 2 pictures I took while camping @ New Life Camp Labor Day weekend :) :).. I hope you like them!! We went canoeing in Mio.. I forgot the name of the river already!! It was a blast :).. The kids had a great time, they want to go back now!!!

We have started school, Sept. 4th and they are all doing very well so far :) :).

Until next time!!

:) blessings, :) Shanda :)

Going Camping This Weekend!!!!

We are going camping this week @ New Life Camp, in Rose City, MI. It's the singles camping weekend, but they don't mind if I bring my children.. so we're going camping!! WOO HOO!! Adventure!!! I am excited, we have not done anything this summer as far as traveling, so this will be our first and last trip this summer!! We are going canoing tommorow, so hopefully that will go well (no tipping Canoe's). Unless it's hot of course (kidding, just kidding). I'll post some pictures from our adventerous weekend next week when we return home!!!

God is Good.. .all the time!!

Blessings, :) Shanda :)

P.S Radiation is going well.. my skin is starting to turn a little "pink" but no burning yet!! (hopefully I won't get burnt at all)

Goodbye Summertime!!!

Goodbye summertime, hello Fall!!! Soon summer will be gone.. I'll put the bathing suits, and shorts away for next year, and drag out the warmer/ Fall Winter clothes. I can't believe how FAST the summer went this year, and how much craziness it held, as I reflect on July 26, the day I almost died!!! Scary events surrounding that day for sure!!! Since that horrible day, I have taken ONE medication to sleep, and I have been sleeping fine. I only need about 6 hrs. of sleep. If I go to bed between 10-11 p.m, I am usually up about 5:30a.m!!! Which will benefit me when the children start school, because I'll have all this nice quiet time before the children wake up (they normally wake up between 8:30 & 9:30). I am also looking at doing EMT school in the winter, to re-obtain my basic EMT liscense, so I can go to Paramedic school this coming Fall, and re-obtain my Paramedic liscense and hopefully work at the hospital I have spent so much time in this last year, hopefully I will be able to get a job in the ER, earning close to $20. per hour. But that will be technically 1.5 years from now, because the Paramedic trainning comes in the Fall, so I won't be able to get a job until Spring, or maybe after summer if we go on the road selling jewelry, who knows.. that's all the future, and who knows what the Lord has planned for my future :) Hopefully GREAT and MIGHTY things to further HIS HOLY Kingdom!!! I could also do medical missions trips as a Paramedic, so that will come in handy :).

God is good.. all the time!!

Love, :) Shanda :)

Small motor skills improving :)

Well, my small motor skills are definatly improving :) Praise God!! Woo Hoo! I can even fill out checks to pay my bills now!!! My signature is different than before, which reminds me, I need to to the secretary of state because they did not send me any of my renewal things in the mail (I sent in a check and they did not cash my check, or mail me new stubs etc.... Now everything's going to be expired because my birthday was over the weekend.. errrr.. that totally stinks!!

I am feeling a little bit better.. more of myself latley, but there is still some darkness in my life, I am hoping that it's the drugs de-toxing from my system. I was on some pretty powerful stuff!! If it had enough power to make me not wake up for up to 17 hrs. and almost kill me, then I would think that they could still be affecting me somewhat. Hopefully that is the "problem" with my mood, and my feeling of heaviness in my life!!

God is good.. all the time!! Thanks for reading my blog today :) Shanda :)

Feeling like the weather.. cold & icky

I know when you are a believer... your not suppossed to base things on your emotions. And I am not basing anything on them.. but I just feel kind of icky. .like this cold rainy day we have been having, now for the second day.. I just kind of feel in a rut.. like in a funk..maybe it's my body getting used to not having chemicals in it (I have taken NO medications since my near-death experience a few weeks ago). I am not sure what is going on with me. I just feel "down" and I don't know why... I know the Lord is good, and spared my life a few short weeks ago. I know he has a future and a hope for me, a good purpose, I just don't feel very "purposeful" latley! Urg.. I hate feeling this way.. I hope I come out of it soon!! Thank you for your prayers today!!

Love, IN CHRIST JESUS,

:) Shanda :)

School just around the corner

Before I know it.. school will be starting soon!! Another homeschooling year ready to kick off in just a few short weeks. Man did summer just FLY by!!! I will be finishing up my last 2-3 weeks of radiation during our first few weeks of school. Hopefully my energy will be up, like it is now so I can handle the school year starting strong. Katie will be in 6th grade this year, so she will start going to Jr. High activities at church...my big Jr. Higher!!! I can't believe she is so big!! She'll be driving before I know it. Well, thanks for checking to see how we're doing. thank you for your prayers!!!!!!!!!!!

Blessings to you today,

:) Shanda :)

Our Quiet Week

The boys are up at camp all week.. and man it sure is quiet around here without them here!! The girls and I are enjoying the quiet time together, yesterday we went to the library, and today Patty and Jesse are coming to visit. They live in FL and are here for 2 weeks, and will be coming by today to hang out with us!! Radiation is going fine.. I will have almost a week under my belt on Wed. 5 more to go!! God is good.. all the time :)....

Quick update

well.. the blood clot in my left arm is gone!! woo hoo!! No news yet on my MRI... but no news is good news right?.. I hope.. I am steadly improving.. my speech gets better everyday.. my small motor skills really stink..and that is frustrating to me, but my Dr. said that "everything will come back".

I started radiation this past week. 6 weeks every day M-F!! So far so good.

The girls come home from camp today..and the boys leave tommorow! Please pray for them (my boys) while they are away at camp.

thanks so much!!

Blessings, : ) Shanda :)

My struggles continue..but I am not alone!

Last thurs. July 26th I almost died... I still don't rember much of my 4 day adventure....I remember sharing my testimonyat church with my singles group...then I do remember a "black-vortex" type of feeling... I was unconcious for at least 7 hours.. possible more.. by the time Paramedics got here.. I was blue @ pousturing (near death). A few more hours and I would have surley died. What a horrible thing for my children to witness... and I am still seeking answers. I had an MRI on my brain & an ultra sound of my left arm (where my blood clot used to be) on Friday.

Please pray for mr children...my girls left for camp today for a week and then my boys will go next week. And please pray for my regaining basic skills.. my speech is slower and my motor skills really stink...

thanks so much, and I will update as soon as possible

God is good!! Alll the time :) Shanda :)

Enjoying Health!!!!

I have been enjoying my health latley :). I was able to care for one of my best friends 2 small children over the weekend while she went on a retreat (6 mos. and 2.5). They tired me out! But it was a blast to have a baby in the house again. I just want to convey how A L I V E and happy I feel right now. I am SO incredibly blessed, and loved by Christ. He has provided for all of our needs, and it's just so exciting!! I got a second opinion @ U of M on Friday.. and I will be going ahead with the radiation, which is every day M-F for 6 weeks... then I will be going back to school part time to re-obtain my EMT liscense this Sept. so I then can take the Paramedic classes next fall, and hopefully Nursing when my children are teenagers (we'll see) :).

And I think we might start fund raising for our Peru missions trip. We had planned on going in 2008, but due to the cancer I think we will be aiming for 2009, 2010! We have an oppertunity to go for 6 months as a family, how exciting!! It's exciting to see all the doors the Lord is opening for me to serve and to love others!!

If you look closly... you can see that my re-construction is going well (LOL). Although the girls are sitting pretty high right now, they will be like that until I have my implant surgery next fall. I am enjoying the freedom of not having to wear a bra WOO HOO!! I guess their are some benefit's to having cancer...lol.. Well I'm off for today, I'm in the middle of making waffles for my children who must eat every hour it seems ha ha ha.. I'm going to do my 3 mile walking DVD and then take the children on a bike ride up to the library! I still have about 30lbs. that I need to shed, so I am trying to work out as much as I can, but I am very realistic. Small changes will add up in the long term. The number one reason for long term survival after having cancer is being at a helthy weight and eating/exercising well :)!!

Blessings to you today :) Shanda :)

Cry Out To Jesus

I love music. I spent almost all day yesterday "ripping and burning" CD's. I downloaded pretty much every CD I own onto my computer, and I found this song. It really spoke to my heart, I hope it speaks to yours: Blessings! :) Shanda :)

To everyone who's lost someone they love

Long before it was their time

You feel like the days you had were not enough when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains

Keeping you back from your life

You believe that there's nothing and there is no one Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on

They lost all of their faith in love

They've done all they can to make it right again

Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains

You try to give up but you come back again

Just remember that you're not alone in your shame

And your suffering

When your lonely And it feels like the whole world is falling on you

You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone

Wiping the tears from her eyes

For the children around the world without a home Say a prayer tonight

Cry Out to Jesus by Third Day

God

My pastor started a new series of sermons last week about some pretty awesome things. He is preaching on things that as a Christian we should have "nailed down" in our lives, or when life gets crazy and the water tries to tip your boat over so to speak, if you have those things nailed down then you will be ok... but if you don't then your gonna sink.

I always feel weird at the end of our church services, they always do an invitation for people who want to get saved, or rededicate their lives, or just "come and meet with God". I have been to the alter a few times in my life, but not many, as I only go when God really speaks to my heart about something and he urges me to go to the alter.

I was talking to my little sister the other day about how I don't think I have changed that much in the last year, meaning that this whole having cancer thing has not really changed who I am. I had a good/close relationship with my Lord before I was diganosed with cancer, if anything this year has solidified our relationship and I have also been able to see his hand active in my life, my healing and giving me life after cancer. I also have come to the fact that I am not afraid to die. I was before, I just did not want to die before my children are raised. Of course I want to live a long healthy life and see grandchildren and great grandchildren, but thoughout all of this, I am not afraid to die. All this cancer stuff has shown me just how fragile and precious and BRIEF life is, and we need to take ahold of it, live it, share Christ with others who don't know him, and do our VERY best to bring honor and glory to his name. There is this saying I'll never forget "you are the Bible some people will ever read" meaning that it's how we live and act in life on a day to day basis that should reflect Christ like a mirror. Of course we fail, but we just need to keep gettting up and trying, never giving up on doing whatever it is Christ has you doing. This life is so brief and so temporary, heaven and eternity is what we should be focused on, not this planet, this earth, it will all soon pass away.

I don't know when I'll die, I hope when I am 99 in my sleep, but whenever that day comes I hope that the people who come to the funeral, who weep because I am gone from this earth, I hope that they can honestly say that they saw Jesus in me, because without him I am nothing, with him I am everything I have ever wanted to be! He was 33 when he died, I was 33 when I was diganosed with cancer. He loved children, I would love 4 more (yes.. I am crazy). He loved his father and obeyed him. It's taken me a long time and a lot of hard lessons, but I do my best to be a faithful obedient daughter every day of my life.

God will never stop being good to those who love him, those who honor him with their lives, there is much that we don't understand, but when you understand who Jesus Christ is, and what he's done for you, you'll never be able to be "good enough" or "do enough" to earn his love and mercy. And that is what's crazy, he offers it.. all of it free for the taking, and believe me, I've taken many doses of love, mercy, peace and love from him and his people this last year. He is a good God, he is a faithful God, and I am just head over heals in love with him!

I hope you are having a GREAT night/day!

Blessings to you :) Shanda :)

My baby :)

My baby kitty.... whom I have had for almost 14 years!! He sleeps with me every night, and all the nights I was in the hospital he would cry... yes....cry. He's such a sweetie peetie :) :). Animals are such a blessing. Thank you Lord for my Socks!!!!

Death

DEATH~
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT !!!!!
A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die.
Tell me what lies on the other side."
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."
"You don't know?
You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"
The doctor was holding the handle of the door;
on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,
and as he opened the door,
a dog sprang into the room

and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said,

"Did you notice my dog?

He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside.
He knew nothing except that his master was here,
and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.

I know little of what is on the other side of death,
but I do know one thing...
I know my Master is there and that is enough."

Being Still

Be still, my soul, The Lord is on your side.

Bare patiently, the cross of grief or pain,

Leave too your God, to order and provide.

In every change He faithful will remain,

Be still, my soul, Your best your hevenly friend,

Through thorny waves leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul, Your God will under take.

To guide the future as he has the past

Your hope your confidence let nothing shake

Or now misterious shall be bright at last

Be still, my soul,

The waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them

While he lived below

Be still, my soul,

Be still, my soul, Be still.

Be still, my soul by Ginny Owens

A new look :)

A million miles away from anything familiar a thousand places that I'd rather be

So I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side

Though I find it hard to see though all my suffering

In my heart I know your plan is so much bigger but this small part is all that I can see and I beleive you havn't left me here to wander

Still I can't help but ponder where you're leading me
(chorus) and I ask why this road why this way and this load

Tell me how far must I go til I see ...til I know why this road

A million miles away from anything familiar what was it like to be so far from home though you came in love the world misunderstood you there must have been some days when you felt so alone

But you endured, because ther was joy before you joy that came because you sacrificed

Since you gave yourself just to spend forever with me surely I can trust you'll lead me through my darkest times when I ask why....

(chorus) From here I can't see why you'd choose this path for me but I don't have to understand to beleive that you know why, this road why this way and this load you know how far I must go tile I see til I know why this road

(This Road by Ginny Owens)

I have always prided myself on my long thick beautiful hair.... in little women when Jo's cuts her hair off for $$$$ to help her mother go see thier sick father, her little sister says "Jo, your one beauty". Sometimes I have felt that way, my hair had made me feel beautiful. But I have learned that losing hair is much better in the long run than losing your life. I don't understand why the Lord would have me step through each day this last year, why I have to have this short hair, the scars, the pain, the needles, the vomiting, the fatigue, the suffering. My children don't understand and sometimes I don't either. What I do understand is I have a God who cares about me and loves me more than I can even dream, and he has a future for me that is amazing!! My life means more now than it ever has, and every day is a precious gift from my heavenly father. I love you Lord Jesus, God, my provider, my hope and my life!!!

Team Yenglin!!!

Time to do the dishes :) :). I am a blessed mother... my children actually fight to clean the house/scrub the tub or toliet and do dishes. So everyone is involved during dish time. Yes, I have a dishwasher, but I don't wash anything plastic, or any of my pans just plates, silverware and that kind of stuff. After dishes I think we're going to watch a movie.. Shaggy Dog. I cancelled the cable this week, my mom accidently mowed over the cable while mowing the lawn and I figure it's summertime anyway, who needs to waste any money on cable, I'd rather spend it on air conditioning :). Our new fun thing to do is to go to the local spray park, which I think we have been to everyday this week. I'll post some pictures of our next adventure to try to cool off from this hot weather.

Cancer women (me) seems to be getting a much needed break from treatment. I have been working on my tan, and spending lots of time with my children :). Rumor has it when I start radiation I have to stay out of the sun??? Not sure if that's true or not, I am sure my Dr. will tell me. With radiation right around the corner, I am making the most of my energy and my freedome from being "cancer patient" God is Good!!! All the time :).

I hope your having a wonderful day/night and thanks for checking up on our family.

Blessings!! :) Shanda :)

Prayer

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day.
I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that don't believe. But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.
AMEN!!!

Summer Fun :)

Summer fun... no words needed in this entry, God's goodness just radiates from my 4 amazing children!!

Have a Blessed day today

:) Shanda :)

H A P P Y

I am just happy... content, loving my life and so thankful that the Lord Jesus Christ has brought me through all the trials, all the sickness that I have faced this last year.

I decided yesterday that I am going to go ahead and do radiation. I really don't WANT to... but all my Dr's are recommending it, and also some of the women in my support groups say "DO IT". So it looks like my treatment will continue into the fall months. The side effects are fatigue and skin changes, I guess chemo and implants don't do well, so I won't have my implant surgery for 12-18 months (ugh). But I know that the Lord will carry me through and hopefully I can have a somewhat normal life throughout treatmennt.

I was in the hospital last weekend for a skin infection, so please pray that it will clear up soon, I still have it, I am on anti-biotics.

Well, of to take care of the children :)

Blessings to you today :)

:) Shanda :)

6-22-07

Whew.. pain is a little better now, I went to church for the first time in FOREVER last Sun. night.. it was nice... a little loud though, I left with a headache, but I was glad I went. My church paid for my 2 boys (6 & 8) to go to day camp all this week, they love it and the girls and I are enjoying the quietness! Today is their last day, yesterday they went to the Toledo Zoo. It took me hours to explain to my youngest that he was not going to Ceder Point (because Ceder Point is in Ohio). I think they had more fun on the bus than at the Zoo! They are really enjoying it, then next week is Vacation Bible School for all 4 of my children, woo hoo! I get 3 hours a day to myself!!

To all my b/c sisters out there... I have to make the "radiation" decision asap! They are telling me that it will reduce my risk of recurrance by 10%.. but the only indication for radiation was that the tumor was so large right before I started chemo (5.5cm). I had a double mast. with VERY clear margins, and no cancer in my lymph nodes.. give me your advice!! And prayers also :) I would have to do 6 weeks, 5 days a week!

My best friend Tonya, her 2 children and her husband who is an evangelist out in Boston were here last week. We were able to spend a lot of time together. She and I and her little brother went to see Spiderman 3, good movie :)... and I was able to go see Aaron preach 2 nights up in Davison. His last sermon was really good, he was sharing about what a great need there is to share our belief and love for Christ, and how the world is hungry for it! To be a bold Christian is the only way to be to please God. If you deny him, he will deny you.

I could not be bolder... it is God and his son Jesus Christ that has provided for my every need, and been my comforter all these months living with cancer.

I am officially "cancer free" as far as I know, they got it all at surgery, and I am praying for a long cancer free life!!

Thank you again for your support and prayers!

luv, :) Shanda :)

OUCH!!!

Double Masctomy..all I have to say is OUCH.. 2 weeks post surgery and I am in way to much pain!!!!

I just wanted to stop in to say Hello :)

It's hot and I think it's time to take another pain pill :(:(...

God is good! I can't wait until this is OVER!!

Blessings,

Shanda

Let the Prayers Begin.... or continue :)

My surgery is 5 days away.... double mastecomy. Nervous? yep. Looking forward to it? Nope.. Looking forward to getting this nasty cancer OUT of my body... YES!!!!!

My surgery is this Friday, June 1st @ 8:30 a.m. I will prob. be in the hospital for 3 days, then from what I hear it's pretty rough for the first week, but then the recovery starts...

I am also praying for "clear margins" around the cancer so I won't have to do radiation therapy... which is every day, 5 days a week for 6 weeks (not fun).

I love you all... and I LOVE the support and prayers.

This has been a LOOOOOOOOOOOng 9 months of our lives......we are all ready for healing and a cancer free existance!!!

Blessings to you today,

:) Shanda :)

HOME FINALLY!!!!

I was in the hospital for 20 days straight...2 in the ICU where they wanted to do a spinal tap because they thought I had menengitis. I was on so many drugs I kept refusing the spinal tap, and needless to say the ICU staff did not like me very much. I am so thankful and glad to be home. I am very weak, and I have to force myself to eat and drink. I prob. only eat about 400 calories a day. I have lost 15lbs in 20 days and I feel so sick. I honestly feel sicker now then when I was going through chemo. My surgery has been cancelled twice because I am just so weak, so the new date is June 1st. My mom will be coming down to help and I know I have help through my friends and church family.

I am ready for this trial/battle to end. I had a "panic attack" yesterday and almost had to call 911. I am so sick and tired and overwhelemed. Three of my pastor's from my church came over to anoint me with oil and prayed over me for God's healing. It's been 8 months now, and it looks like I have 3-5 more months to go. I am just so tired, in spirit and soul and health.

Please pray for my appitite to increase, and for my children to have peace, they have been very upset these last few weeks, and with my surgery next week, in their eyes everytime I go into the hospital I stay forever.

I love you all!!

:) Shanda :)

SURGERY!!!!!

I met with my plastic surgeon today.... the TRAM surgery (tummy tuck and they reconstruct with your stomach muscles and "tissue" (fat) from your stomach.... I am not eligable for a double because I don't have enough tissue... I guess I'm not as fat as I think I am... well, my fat is nice and evenly distrubuted throughout my body. So, I really did not want them, but I will be getting silicone implants. They put in "tissue expanders" at the time of my double mastectomy (the week of May 14th hopefully) and then after a few weeks with dranage tubes, I go into the offfice every week and get "expanded" until I reach the desired size that I want to be, and then I will have another out-patient surgery where they will put the implants in. So.. my children will not be going to Boston, I will just have to have help for a week or two. In the long run, I think this is the best option. I was kinda worried about the surgery removing my entire stomach muscle, which could really effect my very active lifestyle with my business and traveling etc.. God is good, I and many others have been praying about this surgery and decision. I'll let you know as soon as I get an exact date (They are suppossed to call me this afternoon).

God is good!! All the time!!!

My hair

My hair is starting to grow back... it's very very short, and feels like soft baby hair, or like a little baby chick. It's brown.. but I detected a big white patch yesterday.. so we shall see! I went to a really neat event @ Gilda's club on Sat. they had a special day for young survivor's (in your 20's and 30's) and they featured a really neat guy... www.cancerclimber.org check it out. They sponser "adventure event's" for cancer survivors. I think it would be cool for my children and I to bike accross the country in 5 years :) :). They would be 11-15 then so I think they could handle it. They love riding their bikes. I have been doing a lot of biking because I am trying to lose the 20 lbs. I gained from all the steriods from chemo. I bike between 2-4 miles every day, or every other day. If I don't bike, I try to walk 2-3 miles. Of course, I do have my days where I just lay around and do nothing, but I try not to eat everything in the house (that's what the steriods do, they make me want to eat everything in a 5 mile radius!!!)

I meet with my plastic surgeon tommorow. I have decided to do a double mast. and just get them both removed so I don't have to worry about checking the healthy breast all the time, I do it now "I think I feel something, no I don't.. yes I do!!!" plus the reconstruction will just look better if I do both, and I have insurance now, so I just decided it would be the best. U of M has been recommending a double ever since the beginning because of my age, and the aggressiveness of the cancer. I am not sure what kind of reconstruction. I want to do the immediate "TRAM" but I don't know if my plastic surgeon will do that, because last time I met with him I just wanted one done, and he said in passing "I would not do a double on you" and I did not question it, because at that time I just wanted a single. So I meet with him tommorow, I might just have to do implants, which I really am not too thrilled about, but I also heard that with the TRAM that it can affect your stomach severly where you can't lift a lot, or you will get a hernia etc.. and with my business, and my children, and being single, I lift a lot all the time. So I guess we will see tommorow! Also, I should have a surgery date, hopefully the week of May 21.

Things are going well, we are REALLY enjoying the great warm weather we are having! I love spring and summer, they are my favorites :).

Also, after I know my surgery date, I will probally send in our application for "Extreme Make-over Home Edition" so that will be cool, I am sure they will call us in a week or two if they are interested in helping us :) :) and that would just be AMAZING!!

:) Blessings :) Shanda

My hair

My hair is starting to grow back... it's very very short, and feels like soft baby hair, or like a little baby chick. It's brown.. but I detected a big white patch yesterday.. so we shall see! I went to a really neat event @ Gilda's club on Sat. they had a special day for young survivor's (in your 20's and 30's) and they featured a really neat guy... www.cancerclimber.org check it out. They sponser "adventure event's" for cancer survivors. I think it would be cool for my children and I to bike accross the country in 5 years :) :). They would be 11-15 then so I think they could handle it. They love riding their bikes. I have been doing a lot of biking because I am trying to lose the 20 lbs. I gained from all the steriods from chemo. I bike between 2-4 miles every day, or every other day. If I don't bike, I try to walk 2-3 miles. Of course, I do have my days where I just lay around and do nothing, but I try not to eat everything in the house (that's what the steriods do, they make me want to eat everything in a 5 mile radius!!!)

I meet with my plastic surgeon tommorow. I have decided to do a double mast. and just get them both removed so I don't have to worry about checking the healthy breast all the time, I do it now "I think I feel something, no I don't.. yes I do!!!" plus the reconstruction will just look better if I do both, and I have insurance now, so I just decided it would be the best. U of M has been recommending a double ever since the beginning because of my age, and the aggressiveness of the cancer. I am not sure what kind of reconstruction. I want to do the immediate "TRAM" but I don't know if my plastic surgeon will do that, because last time I met with him I just wanted one done, and he said in passing "I would not do a double on you" and I did not question it, because at that time I just wanted a single. So I meet with him tommorow, I might just have to do implants, which I really am not too thrilled about, but I also heard that with the TRAM that it can affect your stomach severly where you can't lift a lot, or you will get a hernia etc.. and with my business, and my children, and being single, I lift a lot all the time. So I guess we will see tommorow! Also, I should have a surgery date, hopefully the week of May 21.

Things are going well, we are REALLY enjoying the great warm weather we are having! I love spring and summer, they are my favorites :).

Also, after I know my surgery date, I will probally send in our application for "Extreme Make-over Home Edition" so that will be cool, I am sure they will call us in a week or two if they are interested in helping us :) :) and that would just be AMAZING!!

:) Blessings :) Shanda

Enjoying Spring

I have been really busy latley.... enjoying spring :). My children and I were able to walk up to church yesterday and today we rode our bikes up to the library :). I am trying to exercise as much as possible to get into the best shape I can before my surgery so my recovery will go smoother. I met with a radiologist today, I am praying to God that I don't have to do radiation. They will know more when they do the surgery and actually open me up and see more of what is going on in there. I also met with my primary care Dr. today because I am not sleeping well again. He gave me some different stuff, hopefully it will work because I am really sick of not being able to sleep, it turns me into a mental case.. I cry over anything!!!!

I met with my breast surgeon this Wed. and then with the plastic surgeon I think on the 24th. I should have a date here soon. Not sure about the single or double.. I keep going back and forth.. so much to decide!!!

God is good :), he continues to bless.

Our application for Extreme Makeover Home Edition is almost completed, and even though the stories featured the last few weeks are far more serious and moving compared to ours, you never know!!! I will let you know when I send in our application and give you the mailing address if you want to send in a letter on our behalf after I send in our application!

God Bless you today :) Shanda :)

Cool Quotes :)

I always like to read quotes from inspiring people, I ran across these few the last few weeks:

"I WANTED A PERFECT ENDING. NOW I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY, THAT SOME POEMS DON'T RHYME, AND SOME STORIES DON'T HAVE A CLEAR BEGINNIING, MIDDLE, AND END. LIFE IS ABOUT NOT KNOWING, HAVING TO CHANGE, TAKING THE MOMENT AND MAKING THE BEST OF IT, WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT." Gilda Radner

"DO MORE THAN EXIST, LIVE.
DO MORE THAN TOUCH, FEEL.
DO MORE THAN LOOK, OBSERVE.
DO MORE THAN READ, ABSORB.
DO MORE THAN HEAR, LISTEN.
DO MORE THAN THINK, PONDER.
DO MORE THAN TALK, SAY SOMETHING." John H. Rhoades

"ASK AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU" Matt. 7:7a JESUS CHRIST

I hope you are enjoying "Spring".. it's freezing here and there is about an inch of snow on the ground :) woo hoo!!!

Happy Resurection Sunday to all my believer friends out there!!!

:) Blessings :)

I'm Back :)

I officially have internet at home now.. one of my best friends Laura paid for me to get peoplepc, it's pretty cheap.. $5, $6 per month. It's dial up.. and S L O W but I am thankful to be back online!!! Woo Hoo!!

Immediate prayer request... I thought everything was set for my surgery in May, but I had gained too much weight and now the plastic surgeon from the University of Michigan will not do the sugery... BUT.. all I have to do is lose 2.2lbs a week, and my oncologist is 100% supportive of me doing that. I was eating really bad for a while there, and I have been eating great, drinking a gallon of water a day, and losing weight.. but he is still saying no. I meet with him on Monday April 9 @ 10:30 so please PRAY for that.. also, I am trying to get state assistance (cash assistance or SSI disability etc) because I am going to lose my summer and that is where I gain my income, is working my shows in June/July/August, so please pray for that.

Our application for Extreme Makeover Home Edition is coming together nicely, so I will be mailing that off soon, we are praying that God will just touch the person's heart who sees our application and video and come and give us an Extreme Makeover!!! We really need it, and it would be such a blessing in such a sad difficult time in our lives.

I'm off to do some house cleaning while the children are at school and I have chemo this afternoon!

Love and Blessings to you!

:) Shanda :)

Come on Spring!!!

What sad news about Elizabeth Edwards (John Kerry's wife) this week... definatly felt through out the entire breast cancer community. The worst news you want to hear.. not only is it "back" it's spread to the bones!!!. I have been lifiting up her and her young children 6 & 8 in prayer all week! May she seeek God's face and his will in her life.

Cancer is such a crazy place to be. My hair is starting to grow back.. I basically have very dark "peach-fuzz" going on.. but my hair grows very fast so hopefully before long I can stop covering my head everywhere I go.

My tumor is officially GONE! It has responded so well to the chemo that it is no longer detectable inside my body!! Woo hoo!! I still have 7 scheduled chemo's left UGH!!

I will have surgery.. I am now leaning more towards just a single masectomy with the "tummy-tuck" procedure (If ANYTHING good comes from this surgery I'm getting a tummy tuck!! ha ha ha). Who knows though, I change my mind a lot. Official American Cancer Stat's say that I only have a 2% of getting cancer in my right breast.. so really.. I think I might keep her! But... I only had a 2% change of getting cancer in the first place. I am still praying!! Such a BIG decision to make.

Life is good, God is good, it's starting to warm up but of course, I live in MI it will get cold.. spring will not be here until May.

I'll post prob. 2 times a week now that I don't have internet at home, so keep checking!

Thanks for your love and prayers :) Shanda :)

Doing Well

I am doing well.. I have finished 5 of the 12 Taxol chemo's...I just wish I could have my surgery next week!!! It just seems so long away, and it looks like I am not going to be able to do much this summer, but we'll see!

I am tired, but no other side effects.. oh, I guess my mouth and tongue hurt a little but no sores or anything.

Not much to update.. thanks for praying!!

luv,

:) Shanda :)

Extreme Makeover Home Edititon

Extreme Makeover Home Edition... do you watch the show? It's on Sunday nights @ 8pm. ABC.
Well, I started watching it in the hospital. I have seen it before and always thought that it would be cool and amazing to be picked to recieve a "home makeover". What they do is AMAZING!! Well, like I said when I spent those 3 weeks in the hospital I really really thought that our family had a good shot at making it. So I started a few weeks ago to put things together to apply to be on the show!!! I am currently making our audition video and filling out the application process etc. Now.. what I ask of YOU is, if you feel so led, I am asking my friends and family to write a brief one page letter on how you know me, and why we deserve a home makeover. A little background on my house, it was originally built in 1929 and I need a new roof (it leaks in the kitchen, and my girls bedrooom) and I have a serious heating problem (most of the downstarirs is freezing because of the duct work and the fact that the furnace is upstairs). And my children would LOVE a basement!!!

You can e mail me a letter if you want to @ kkstt77@yahoo.com and I will send it after I apply. I can't apply until after my mastectomy surgery because you have to be ready to drop everything and leave on a 7 day vacation when the "crew" comes to give you the home makeover.

I think dreaming about this has really helped the children and I to cope and make it thorough some difficult times. I know that you can't dream bigger than God, and I hope and pray that he has a new home in our future through "Extreme Makeover Home Edition"!!

I'll keep you posted :) Blessings! :) Shanda :)

Hello

I will now be posting from my local library. I cancelled my home internet service and a few other bills due to the fact that I am not able to work. I may have surgery earlier rather than later so that is good (the faster I heal, the faster I can get back to work). Things are going well, I am enjoying the "tease" of Spring with the sunshine.. but it's still FREEZING outside :).

Well, I only get 1/2 hr. on the computer and my sessions going to end soon!

Blessings to you :) Shanda :)

03-16-07

Just wanted to let everyone know I am doing well! I have to cancel my home internet service (I'm trying to cut some monthly bills and my internet just jumped from $20 to $45 per month. I will be updating at least once a week at my local library!

Blessings to you all today :) Shanda :)

3-12-07

The weather was so wonderful yesterday!!! hopefully spring will be here soon :). My oncologist says to me the other day "your spring will be here soon". I thought that was sweet of him.

I'm preparing for surgery in 2-3 months. Research...research... research :)

God is good!!

Consider my affliction and please deliver me
Plead my cause and redeem me
Salvation is not for the wicked
For they don't seek your word
Great are your tender mercies
Lord Revive me, according to your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek your word
Revive me, according to your loving kindness Revive me, oh Lord
You give me understanding According to your word
Great peace for those who seek your face
I long for salvation My lips shall praise your name
I rejoice in the treasure of your keep
Revive me, according to your loving kindness Revive me, that I may seek your word Revive me, according to your loving kindess Revive me, oh Lord
For all my ways are before you I let your hand become my help
My soul longs and adores you Let my cry come before you oh Lord Revive me, according to your loving kindness Revive me, that I may seek your word Revive me, according to your loving kindnes Revive me, oh Lord Oh, Revive meRevive me

Jeremy Camp

T I R E D!!!

ok.. so doing well just V E R Y, VERY tired.. now I know why...
Basically I can't get out of bed or off the couch for very long.
My hemoglobin (red blood cells that are made by your bone marrow) is extremely low.
Today @ chemo they "offered" to give me blood transfusions (one to two units of blood). They said I had a choice... and if I could live with the tiredness, it would be ok for one more week, but if my numbers dip any lower they HAVE to give me transfusions next week. I got a shot called a "pro-crit" shot the last 2 chemo's to stimulate my bone marrow production of hemoglobin and sometimes it takes af few weeks to kick in. I declined blood transfusions this week.

Also, I have a rare blood type O negative so if any of you have O negative and are willing to give me your blood if I need it, let me know and I'll call and see how that would work. I don't know.. just the thought of getting a strangers BLOOD just freaks me out.. even more than the chemo. Prayerfully I will be fine next week, and I won't need any blood transfusions. But I am dealing with the following symptoms: breathlessness tiredness dizziness rapid, weak pulse or palpitations headaches.
Because hemoglobin carries OXYGEN.. I have been having the feeling of "not getting enough air in my lungs" and have woken up.. thinking I was going to die because I can't get enough O2 in.... Ovously if it continued I would call 911... thankfully it is very temporary and after taking a few deep breaths I am o.k.. but it's kinda freaky... lol..

God has just been so good, and he continues to care for the children and I.

Have a wonderful day, and thank you so much for your love, prayers and support! I'll continue to keep you updated.

Blessings! :) Shanda :)

My Jesus

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Why do you look so much like the world?
Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?
Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand
Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow?

This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at

His holy feet!!!!

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part

Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?
Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud
I want to be like my Jesus! I want to be like my Jesus!
Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus



By Todd Agnew

The only line I don't agree with is "he would not be accepted at my church".. I am blessed to be a part of a church who accepts all kinds of people.. John 3 & John 4 People :) :) :).

Why?

Why does God do what he does? Why does he allow "bad" people to be prosperous and "good" people to suffer? Why.. why.. why.. you could ask the questions all day long.

I really don't think a lot about "why" when I look at my life with cancer. I think "what". What is God going to do today? What is God going to teach me today? What is God going to show me today? And that is exactly what has happened. I found out I had cancer and I thought "OK.. I can do this... God, you are leading, I will follow".

He has lead me thorough some really amazing roads in the last 6 months. I have seen amazing things. I almost died, and he spared my life, he brought me home after I prayed and waited on him.

He always has a plan, and a purpose for everything under the sun. Thorough faith and belief we can see his very real hand in our lives EVERY day!!! Even if you aren't going through anything "scary" like cancer God can be real to you :).

God loves me, and for that I am so happy and thankful. My life is in his hands :)

Blessings :) Shanda :)

LIFE IS PRECIOUS!!!

Man... the headlines this week... a local MI man accused of killing his wife (Tara Lynn Grant). He reports her missing and they found her "torso" in the family garage and other body parts at a nearby park!!! Murdered, she leaves 2 small children, 4 and 2.

The tornados down south killing young high school students, and another tragedy on a small Ohio baseball's bus accident, more young people dead.

Death is a part of our every day life, and it makes living that much more amazing. Someone told me the other day that I was a survivor... I said "I'm not counting the days until I am free of this cancer" but she was right. We are all survivors!! People die each and every day in car accidents, crimes and other sad and horrific ways (and yes, cancer).

I am tired, not doing much, but I am at the most amazing place in the world.. home... with my children, listening to their laughter and playing with them when I can.

Life is short, enjoy every second!!!!!

YEAH!!

My tumor has shrunk!!! It's now 1.5cm.. last ultra sound was 2.6cm!!! Chemo is going well. More later :)

J O Y :)

Complete JOY!! I'm home with my four amazing blessings :) :) :) :)

God is good!!!

WOW!!!

I attend a H U G E church.. the website is www.hisfaith.net you can listen to sermons online and also see many of the services on Sat/Sun live. Last night was the "kick off night" for a new ministry called WOW (Women of the Word). It was amazing. A packed house of course, and our Pastor was the guest speaker. He talked about when we WOW God through our obedience, faith and trust that he WOW's us in return. And a WOW from God is always something amazing :).

I was encouraged very much, as it's been a difficult few months I know that God has amazing things in store for my life. I am looking forward to him WOWing me :) :).

I continue to plug away... I am resting lots, I have chemo tommorow and also another ultra sound to see the tumor size.

Please pray for me to get some solid answers on surgery. I am still "on the fence" regarding a double or single masectomy and also the reconstruction options etc...

Blessings to you today :) Shanda :)

God's Love

I'm doing great after my chemo yesterday.. for some strange reason...I actually get "energized" when I get chemo... when I was in the hospital and had chemo I was going crazy full of energy.. I was doing like a mini-stand-up-comedy routine at the nurses station... it was weird.

And I stayed up until like 4 am last night.. and I made a million CD's for friends and family to sort of share my heart and soul through music how I have felt this last month.

God is good.. I am home with my children, I feel good, my cuboards are bursing with food and I am sleeping every night!! Home.. what a joyful place to be :)

Home is where the heart is!!!!! :) Shanda :)

02-22-07

My new port actually feels FINE..... It's on the other side of my chest and it does not feel like the other one did at all....the other one bothered me from day one. I hope and pray that this one works well for the remaing 3 months of chemo.

Chemo went well... I feel fine....getting organized and cleaning around the house...today I learned about monosodium glutamate (MSG)... which was in pretty much 1/2 of my food that I had in my house...also high fructose corn syrup and anything hydogeated is BAD NEWS... so my 5 1/2 children and I cleaned out all of the food containing all of the crap... and I am focusing on fresh fruits and veggies...healthy smoothies.. lots of WATER... and leaning more and more about all the CRAP that we Americans digest on a daily basis.... I don't want to die of obesity.. cancer, heart disease or diabetes.... all of which what we eat has a HUGE impact on our health.

I have a friend that is way into health and supplements etc... so she is helping me learn and giving me lots of great supplements to help my immune system and be healthy (all approved by my oncologist)

Well, I Have lots of energy and I am making a CD of music for my friends and family.. so I better get to it before I am off to bed...

:) Blessings :) Shanda

Love

Love... what does that mean to you? That 4 letter word that is way over used in our world. The best love in the world I have experienced is the undying love of Jesus. He has blessed me, taken care of me and sent many special people into my life to help me in this journey called cancer.

I don't hate very many things in life. Of course I hate cruelty, injustace, racism etc... but I officially hate disease and illness. I hate spending most of my day in bed.... so tired I can't get up. For some odd reason, I think I had more energy when I was in the hospital. I can't seem to sleep enough. I think my body is making up for 3 weeks with low sleep.

I start chemo again on thursday. It's a new chemo drug (new to me). I finished up my 4 rounds of A/C, now I am scheduled for 12 weeks of Taxol.

Prayer requests: That my new port stays infection free for 3 months so I can finish chemo and that I stay strong!!! Also, I need to make a decision about a single or double mastectomy. There are just some decisions that seem unfair in life.

:) Blessings :) Shanda

Home at Last!!!!

I am home... in comfy p.j's and getting ready to eat a yummy dinner!! Bye-bye 4G! I was in the hospital for 19 days total. My surgery went well yesterday, I am in pain but that is expected. I will write more later... I need to go rest :) Blessings :) Shanda

17 loooooooooooooooooong days

I am still in the hospital... 17 days now!! Hopefully I will be going home in the next 4. I have surgery tommorow (2-16-07) to place another port in my chest.. on the other side (the cancer side). They don't like to do that, but they have no option really. I lost my IV last night while sleeping and it took a special IV nurse 5 pokes to get an IV in me.. I literally look like an IV drug user... my arm is full of holes and all bruised.. see, then can only use my right arm due to the fact that I had lymph nodes removed on the left. ugh..

Anyway, my friend from Boston came for 3 days, which turned into 6 due to the snow storm here and out east (she lives in Boston). So that has been nice, and it's cool that she can be here for my surgery!!!!!

I am doing well.. THANKS so much for all the prayers!! I am tired.. but who sleeps in a hospital???

More later :)

luv, :) Shanda :)

13 looooooong days

For those of you who don't know..... I am back in the hospital. I have been since Wednesday. Yes.. I lasted a short 48 hrs. at home. I slept most of the time, but I was burning up with fever. It has gone as high as 102. which really does not sound that terribly bad.. but when you have cancer, 102 can be deadly. So deadly that I was pretty scared the other day. I was told that my infection has spread to my blood. Instead of being a local infection at my port site, the little bacterial buggers have gotten into my blood stream. The bacteria could attack any organ in my body. I was told that I could go into heart failure and die. They ordered 2 pints of blood for immediate transfusions if my hemoglobin dropped anymore (I have not had to have any transfusions so far) I am considered "septic" which can be serious, and even deadly. I felt my body fight these last few days, I felt my organs on fire and I cried because I can not be home, with my children. I cried hard... for the first time since I found the lump, and since I was first diganosed. I am such a "do-er".. tell me what needs to be done, and I will DO IT. I don't feel like I am accomplishing much sitting in a hospital bed for 13 of the last 15 days. I miss my bed.. I miss my children... I miss my life.

I officially feel like I am "cancer patient" now. I am officially sick.. and I HATE it. I know that God loves me so much, and he has amazing things planned for my life. I opened a card today that said the following amaing words:

Our lives are not like ships being tossed helplessly upon the rough seas of life. Jesus is the Lord over every circumstance we face. He is using each difficulty and trial to work out His purposes in our lives- to show us His power, to strengthen our fiath, to purify our hearts, to deepen our joy. In His perfect time He will speak His Word over our rough seas, and all will be calm again. ---Roy Lessin

The inside read:
The Lord is in control of all that you are facing, and He will keep you steady through the storm. May his sure and certain Word Calm Your Heart Today...

Today in my time reading God's word the following verse JUMPED out at me:

Proverbs 10:20 "The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value"

I was visited by 10 "righteous" brothers and sisters today, and I am expecting more tommorow :)!!!!

I had a dream a few nights ago... my younger brother Adam, who has been suffering from chronic pain from Q fever for the last few years and were in the hospital at the same time, we were in ajoining rooms and we were racing down the hallways's with our IV poles like little children. Strange thing happened.. we arent' in ajoining rooms... but my brother is 3 floors below me, sitting in a hospital bed with possible heart problems. Please remember Adam in prayer, pray for answers and relief to his pain. I think both he and I dream about the days when we "get our lives back" our healthy, worry free days.. so we can just L I V E !!!!

I still have a fever.. it's not as high, but it's still there. My best friend since childhood Tonya is flying in from Boston today to spend 3 days with me. My parents are here from up north. I hope and pray that I can go home this week and I can continue my chemotherapy (which has been stopped due to my infection).

Thank you for your continued love, support and prayers.

I long for the day that all is calm again

:) Shanda :)

13 looooooong days

For those of you who don't know..... I am back in the hospital. I have been since Wednesday. Yes.. I lasted a short 48 hrs. at home. I slept most of the time, but I was burning up with fever. It has gone as high as 102. which really does not sound that terribly bad.. but when you have cancer, 102 can be deadly. So deadly that I was pretty scared the other day. I was told that my infection has spread to my blood. Instead of being a local infection at my port site, the little bacterial buggers have gotten into my blood stream. The bacteria could attack any organ in my body. I was told that I could go into heart failure and die. They ordered 2 pints of blood for immediate transfusions if my hemoglobin dropped anymore (I have not had to have any transfusions so far) I am considered "septic" which can be serious, and even deadly. I felt my body fight these last few days, I felt my organs on fire and I cried because I can not be home, with my children. I cried hard... for the first time since I found the lump, and since I was first diganosed. I am such a "do-er".. tell me what needs to be done, and I will DO IT. I don't feel like I am accomplishing much sitting in a hospital bed for 13 of the last 15 days. I miss my bed.. I miss my children... I miss my life.

I officially feel like I am "cancer patient" now. I am officially sick.. and I HATE it. I know that God loves me so much, and he has amazing things planned for my life. I opened a card today that said the following amaing words:

Our lives are not like ships being tossed helplessly upon the rough seas of life. Jesus is the Lord over every circumstance we face. He is using each difficulty and trial to work out His purposes in our lives- to show us His power, to strengthen our fiath, to purify our hearts, to deepen our joy. In His perfect time He will speak His Word over our rough seas, and all will be calm again. ---Roy Lessin

The inside read:
The Lord is in control of all that you are facing, and He will keep you steady through the storm. May his sure and certain Word Calm Your Heart Today...

Today in my time reading God's word the following verse JUMPED out at me:

Proverbs 10:20 "The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value"

I was visited by 10 "righteous" brothers and sisters today, and I am expecting more tommorow :)!!!!

I had a dream a few nights ago... my younger brother Adam, who has been suffering from chronic pain from Q fever for the last few years and were in the hospital at the same time, we were in ajoining rooms and we were racing down the hallways's with our IV poles like little children. Strange thing happened.. we arent' in ajoining rooms... but my brother is 3 floors below me, sitting in a hospital bed with possible heart problems. Please remember Adam in prayer, pray for answers and relief to his pain. I think both he and I dream about the days when we "get our lives back" our healthy, worry free days.. so we can just L I V E !!!!

I still have a fever.. it's not as high, but it's still there. My best friend since childhood Tonya is flying in from Boston today to spend 3 days with me. My parents are here from up north. I hope and pray that I can go home this week and I can continue my chemotherapy (which has been stopped due to my infection).

Thank you for your continued love, support and prayers.

I long for the day that all is calm again

:) Shanda :)

13 looooooong days

For those of you who don't know..... I am back in the hospital. I have been since Wednesday. Yes.. I lasted a short 48 hrs. at home. I slept most of the time, but I was burning up with fever. It has gone as high as 102. which really does not sound that terribly bad.. but when you have cancer, 102 can be deadly. So deadly that I was pretty scared the other day. I was told that my infection has spread to my blood. Instead of being a local infection at my port site, the little bacterial buggers have gotten into my blood stream. The bacteria could attack any organ in my body. I was told that I could go into heart failure and die. They ordered 2 pints of blood for immediate transfusions if my hemoglobin dropped anymore (I have not had to have any transfusions so far) I am considered "septic" which can be serious, and even deadly. I felt my body fight these last few days, I felt my organs on fire and I cried because I can not be home, with my children. I cried hard... for the first time since I found the lump, and since I was first diganosed. I am such a "do-er".. tell me what needs to be done, and I will DO IT. I don't feel like I am accomplishing much sitting in a hospital bed for 13 of the last 15 days. I miss my bed.. I miss my children... I miss my life.

I officially feel like I am "cancer patient" now. I am officially sick.. and I HATE it. I know that God loves me so much, and he has amazing things planned for my life. I opened a card today that said the following amaing words:

Our lives are not like ships being tossed helplessly upon the rough seas of life. Jesus is the Lord over every circumstance we face. He is using each difficulty and trial to work out His purposes in our lives- to show us His power, to strengthen our fiath, to purify our hearts, to deepen our joy. In His perfect time He will speak His Word over our rough seas, and all will be calm again. ---Roy Lessin

The inside read:
The Lord is in control of all that you are facing, and He will keep you steady through the storm. May his sure and certain Word Calm Your Heart Today...

Today in my time reading God's word the following verse JUMPED out at me:

Proverbs 10:20 "The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value"

I was visited by 10 "righteous" brothers and sisters today, and I am expecting more tommorow :)!!!!

I had a dream a few nights ago... my younger brother Adam, who has been suffering from chronic pain from Q fever for the last few years and were in the hospital at the same time, we were in ajoining rooms and we were racing down the hallways's with our IV poles like little children. Strange thing happened.. we arent' in ajoining rooms... but my brother is 3 floors below me, sitting in a hospital bed with possible heart problems. Please remember Adam in prayer, pray for answers and relief to his pain. I think both he and I dream about the days when we "get our lives back" our healthy, worry free days.. so we can just L I V E !!!!

I still have a fever.. it's not as high, but it's still there. My best friend since childhood Tonya is flying in from Boston today to spend 3 days with me. My parents are here from up north. I hope and pray that I can go home this week and I can continue my chemotherapy (which has been stopped due to my infection).

Thank you for your continued love, support and prayers.

I long for the day that all is calm again

:) Shanda :)

02-02-07

Hey!!! I have been in the hospital all week... keep up those prayers!!! I am doing much better today.. I had a nasty port infection which led to a staff infection, then my veins started shutting down... then I got a picc line, and now I have a blood clot!!! Isn't it great that God can handle all of that while I laugh my butt off with the night staff :) :) yep.. they are letting my use the computer :) luv you! :) Shanda :)

01-26-07

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Every day, everything we do has an impact on our lives. Last year my children and I were in FL and our favorite thing to do was hang out at the pool. We were camping at basically a senior's campground. Some of the seniors did'nt like us too much.... four rowdy children to ruin their quiet swim... but a few couples just loved us!! One couple right next to us loved us so much they took over grandparent responsibilities for the time we were there. Another couple, a mild woman named Dellie, and her outgoing husband Eldon struck up a friendship with us. We were always in the pool, and so was Eldon. Dellie did'nt like the water so she sat pool side while Eldon swam everyday.
Now... you ask why in the world an older retired couple and a young single mom want to become friends? What do they have in common?

Today I got my mail.... carried in by a snow covered son... half of it was soaking wet... but there was a card in that stack of mail. See, Eldon and I have kept in touch through IM. We like to play pool together @ yahoo games. He did a really cool thing, he took the Christmas picture of my children and I and blew it up, and put it up on the bullitan board at his church. See.... it does not matter what denominaion you are.... what kind of church you attend.. Baptist, Catholic, Pentacostal...What matters is who is in charge of the believers at those churches across America. What matters is all those prayers and the faith of God's body.

I opened a beautiful card with butterflies on it (I love butterflies). In it were signatures.... signatures of people I have never met... signatures of people I won't meet until we reach heaven. Signatures of people who are praying for me. I sat in total awww. The tears just flooded my eyes. I touched every name in that card and just prayed.... a prayer of thanks, a prayer of rejoicing because these strangers care about me, and my beautiful children!

The Day I met Eldon and Dellie we had one thing in common, Jesus Christ. We are friends through the generations and distance, but our God, our common bond has given them long lives to live, and our joint prayer is that he blesses me with a long healthy life also.

So, the next time you cross paths with someone, maybe dig a little deeper, and know that there is a reason that you are meeting :) :)



MOUNTAIN OF GOD by Third Day:

Thought that I was all alone broken and afraid
but you were there with me you were there with me and I didin't even know that I had lost my way
but you were there with me yes, you were there with me until you opened up my eyes I never knew that I couldn't ever make it without you

CHORUS
Even though the journey's long and I know the road is hard you're the one who's gone before me you will help me carry on
and after all that I've been through now I realize the truth that I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God

VERSE II
As I travel on the road did you ever let me down?
you are here with me yes, you are here with me and I have need for nothing more oh now that I have found that you are here with me yes, you are here with me I confess from time to time I lose my way
but you are always there to bring me back again

CHORUS BRIDGE
Well sometimes I think of where ever it is I've come from and things I've left behind well of all I've had what I posessed oh they can't quite compare to what's in front of me yeah to what's in front of me